Relationship Happiness

I'll Alter Him

Fri, 23 May 14
I'll Alter Him

A young bride was incredibly nervous the night before her wedding. Her Mum attempted to calm her fragile nerves, but the bride was so uptight, she was worried she might even collapse on the way down the aisle.

“Now look honey, you’ll be fine. Just think of three things as you walk in and everything will go well. First of all, you should think about the aisle. Don’t look at all your friends and relatives as you walk to the front, just concentrate on the aisle. That will really help. Now, the second thing to focus on is the altar. As you walk forward, fix your eyes on the altar and that will help you get there. Thirdly, you should allow yourself to listen to the hymn they will be singing as you make your entrance. Let the beauty of the music help you float toward the man of your dreams,” her Mum instructed.

The beautiful bride made her stunning entry and fixed her gaze on the altar as she nervously headed on her long journey. She was blissfully unaware of the chuckles of people as she made her way past them. They could hear her repeating over and over, “Aisle, Altar, Hymn” or as they interpreted it, ‘I’ll alter him’

‘I’ll alter him’ is not a good attitude to take into a marriage.

Not too long ago a woman we’ll call Nicole had significant marriage problems. She came to talk to my wife Moira, hoping for some encouragement. Nicole explained to Moira the main reason for her difficult and demanding marriage was her husband ‘Colin’s’ attitudes and behaviour. She went on for a while about how bad Colin was and how he needed to change if the marriage had any chance of survival.

Moira listened for a time and then suggested that Nicole needed to take a look at her own attitudes and behaviour to see what corrections were necessary. Nicole wasn’t too impressed with that line of thought, but finally accepted that just maybe she wasn’t perfect.

When we have relationship challenges a guaranteed way to make it worse is too focus on the other person’s failures and inadequacies. It might be more personally painful, and take back-down or swallowing of pride, but when we admit our own mistakes and bad behaviour we are far more likely to make positive progress in our primary relationships. And it’s always worth it.


Tags: Marriage, Harmony, Commitment, Relationships

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